An Incision of Indecision

I’m half afraid of being in love;

half afraid of being alone.

I half hate how things change,

yet I love the unknown.

A quarter confused is my worrisome mind,

of why I can’t make it up in time.

I fret over yet nothing but illusions,

they are harmless in conception,

but painful in conclusion.

I shuffle from fear to fun,

from stay, to run,

should I be afraid of the gun,

that will ignite and delight me with burning love?

The God of Chaos is beaming through my thoughts,

taking my peace of present and making it distraught.

Or is it reason that treasons my wearisome heart?

A theft from myself meant to keep me from eroding apart.

I quest to share a bond,

one love that holds strong and true.

Is that quest over? Have I found you?

Will I retire my desire to achieve all my dreams?

Will I remain stationed in love’s binding seams?

I’m worried I'll settle, and my world will go unexplored.

I’m worried I'll settle and always want more.

I’m worried I'll search, and a place to settle, I’ll never find.

Because while you were there I had searching on my mind.

Confused and bemused by my own mental abuse.

My mind cannot choose,

so will I lose?

– Or can I win?

When will I be certain of something again?

9/4/2013

Chelseigh Rose