above the floor

up up up down down down. riding this ride again, around.

an anchor at the ankle, hot air at the wrist. splitting from inside out, dragging directions, attempts made, targets missed.

under the surface it feels hopeless, no sound travels beneath the waves.

clawing towards the outside, broken nails and faith - dredging all lostness away, aiming for the ups; it’s the only way.

far beneath the bottom, that comfortable floor you’ve made your home. no… you know, you won’t stay here any longer, you know where to go.

up, up, towards the towers; that shade away like cloaks of sorrow.

worn them in, familiar feelings - let it go, - let new begin.

reaching, every inch involved… anchored at the ankle, with only my sweaty palms.

i try to find the way out, i look, listen, touch, feel - it all becomes so crowded; my mind evicts all that’s real,

chants to me, lies to me, what’s the point in trying to be?

stay down, stay here. stay sad, stay in fear. up is only temporary, dear. a short victory to refill the tears.

i hear it snicker, when i sink back down. i try too silently to leave this town. i’ll drown, if i don’t.

i’m afraid to come back; or stay another day. either leave loud, or remain the same.

chain yourself to the top, remember the bottom below - know where you can go.

stay, stay, up here with me. give yourself permission to be happy.

the sadness stings, scars; it’s hard. you will never be too far…

a sobering distance away,

remind yourself, it is okay.

go there to remember how low it can be. visualize the top, stay long enough to see - rock bottom lives inside me.

as does sweet ecstasy,

a place i have called home. i’m taking it back, moving on.

bipolar is only an attempt to change, sometimes a failure, still in chains.

i’m up, i’m down, again, around.

i’ll keep riding this ride until it’s peace that i’ve found.

7/21/2017

Chelseigh Rose